I started my morning the usual way.
Pour the kid a bowl of cereal and put on Pirates of Penzance (it’s his current favorite).
Check email, both work and personal. Answer anything urgent, sort the rest.
Check Twitter and Facebook. Answer anything particularly pressing/funny.
Coffee.
Try to avoid checking my book reviews on Amazon (‘cause that isn’t my healthiest behavior). Fail and get a little nauseous.
Distract myself with an interesting looking article while I finish my coffee.
This morning, that article was from the New York Times: Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette.
A glance at the title led me to believe that I would be reading about how having our eyes glued to our smart devices has resulted in a decline of polite behavior.
But no.
This article’s author actually seemed to be complaining about people who still engage in certain behaviors that he finds “inconvenient” in this digital age.
According to the author, people who leave him voice mails, say thank you (or even “hi”) in an email, or ask him anything that can be found via Google are wasting his time.
Wasting his precious time is rude, ya’ll. How dare you.
When I started reading I thought for sure that he was being sarcastic to make some kind of point.
Nope. Dude is seriously annoyed with you for leaving voice mails. Don’t you know how to text?
Want to know how to get to his house? Don’t ask him. That’s what the interwebs are for, dummy.
Granted, I’m an introvert who does not like being on the phone. If someone chooses to text me rather than call, I’m more likely to kiss their face* the next time I see them for sparing me from making small talk in between, “wait, are you still there? Hold on, you’re breaking up. I’m in an AT&T blackhole…”
But I don’t think it’s rude for a person to call and leave me a voice mail. As a matter of fact, I tend to get annoyed when people call me, don’t leave a voice mail, then tell me at a later date “I tried to call you” as if the presence of their number should have clued me in that the matter was urgent enough that I should call them back.
Not to mention that texting can be just as intrusive as a phone call. A call or voice mail can easily be ignored until you are ready to listen, but a text sits there on your phone’s screen, begging to be read RIGHT NOW.
And how inconvenient is it to receive an email that says “thank you” or opens with a customary greeting, like “hello”? For the record, please, I would rather you all waste three seconds of my life sending me pleasantries than the neurotic spiral that could result from the lack thereof.
Did Joe get my email? He didn’t reply with a thank you. Oh no, did I offend him? What did I say? ::promptly spends four hours reviewing every message ever sent to Joe:: Was it that joke about Canada? WAIT. Is Joe Canadian?! ::composes email to Joe about all the wonders of Canada and how much I love Canadian bacon and hockey and Prince Edward Island and reading everything in French AND English… ::
See? All of that could have been prevented with a simple “thank you” email.
And sure, if someone wants to know the best place for Thai food in town, can’t place where they’ve seen that guest star on Castle before, or where the closest Starbucks is, they could whip out a smartphone and figure it out, right?
Well, yes, if everyone has a smartphone on them (which, believe it or not, they don’t) I guess you could make the case that no one should ask anyone anything.
And yet…
What happens to conversation?
If I hit Yelp for every restaurant recommendation, there goes conversations with my foodie friends about their favorites. I miss entertaining anecdotes about an awful waiter, details about great dishes but terrible bathrooms, or even entire eateries that are tucked away and haven’t hit the interwebs yet.
If I IMDB every familiar face on TV, I miss geeking out over my favorite episodes of the show that guest star was on with a fellow nerd.
This is a real thing not far from me.
If I hit Google maps to find the local Starbucks, I miss out on hearing about the electrical box in town that’s been painted to look like a Tardis. (Or depending on what Apple update I have on my phone, I may end up in a lake.)
More importantly, I miss out on conversation.
Again, I’m an introvert. I’m quite happy with peaceful days and talking to myself. But even introverts can use a little human interaction from time to time.
Looking at Mr. Bilton’s ideas on how we should behave in this digital age, I’m left feeling as if polite behavior will merely boil down to excusing ourselves when we crash into each other because we’re staring at our phone, or when we break wind on a crowded train.
(I’m assuming he’d ask for a mass text for that. No time for talk, people. I’ve got my own gas to pass!)
The older generation, or the digitally resistant, will either be forced to learn, or humored/mocked for their “old ways”.
We’ll stop saying thank you to service personnel – after all, they get that “thank you” via their pay and tips. How rude and redundant to use actual words.
Teachers will answer all questions in school with “Google it, dummy”.
When did we become a generation that complains about the niceties? About people being polite?
So, Mr. Bilton, consider this my “thank you”.
Thank you for making me remember to set aside the devices, to step away from Google, and to engage another human being at some point today.
Thank you for reminding me that pleasantries shouldn’t go out of style.
And thank you for reminding me to answer my phone with a proper, “Ahoy.”
*I will not actually kiss you on the face. You know, germs and such.
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
cheeqz
I totally agree with you. With the onset of all the technology that we have these days, people just don’t know how to behave with each other. I’m disgusted when I go out anymore and see all the blatant disrespect for anyone but themselves. Sorry, but I was taught to be nice to others and respect every person you meet. I can’t believe some of the things I see on a daily basis in a crowd of people. I wonder where everyone’s manners have went.
Strangely, for once, there is no app for that..
Can you imagine? An app that detects the appropriate polite response in social situations and chimes a reminder when you fail to take the polite action.
First, thanks for the giggles Amber. You have such a funny way of spinning things
. Second, whoever wrote that article is just sad. Seriously? It’s a waste of time to say thank you? When the heck did that happen? Maybe in HIS world it is, but in mine I still appreciate a little human kindness and acknowledgment. Maybe that makes me old, or maybe it just makes me a decent human being. This guy sounds like a jerk. Glad I don’t work with him, and glad I didn’t read the article. I’d much rather read yours!
In fairness to the author of the article, he didn’t seem to be against “thank you” in all situations, but certainly thought it was unnecessary in email.
He would HATE me. I always thank people in email.To me, it serves as an acknowledgement that I’ve read their email, as well as showing appreciation for whatever answer/response they gave.
Also, thank you.
After reading this, I want to kiss your face. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
I don’t know when it happened, but it sure has happened. Maybe it’s part of our generation’s laziness. Pretty much everything about us is lazy. Don’t get me wrong–I love the digital age. I love having the paper trail. But what’s wrong with the personal touch?
…and how lazy are we becoming that we can’t be bothered to READ TWO WORDS?! I mean, seriously. I don’t even think that consumes one second of time.
I, too, kiss your face.
Something similar happened to me at work. I was having an email conversation with one of our Directors and, after we finished up our correspondence, I sent an email that simply said, “Thank you.”
To my surprise, she immediately called and expressed her annoyance that I would send an email to thank her. She said that a thank you is ASSUMED and no longer required. Furthermore, she says we are both way too busy to be sending or reading a thank you email.
I really didn’t know how to respond. My mother never trained me on how to deal with people who never want to be thanked. I only got the opposite in my upbringing. Besides, I don’t want my thank you to be assumed. I don’t just dish those babies out willy-nilly. Next time I’ll just sign all my emails to her with “GTFO.” That’ll solve it.
This is what I was afraid of – this guy’s attitude isn’t isolated.
Thank you should never be assumed. If you bought someone a gift, are you just supposed to assume they are grateful? Are they supposed to skip the thank you card (or at least a phone call/email/text) because, duh, of course I’m grateful!?
I really don’t get it.
PS – How much time did this Director waste picking up the phone and CALLING you to tell you that your thank you was not required? She’s too busy to read your thank you, but not too busy to call you and tell you to stop thanking her?
This sounds like sketch comedy. Not real life.
Oh! That totally reminds me of a ridiculous incident at work. I’d completed a big project and emailed the results to about a dozen people. A few of them hit “Reply All” to say thanks for a job well done. And one fella hit “Reply All” to scold everyone for saying Thank You via a reply all… he didn’t have time to read praise of my work. He made himself look like a … um… male donkey.
HAHAHAHA.
Also, ha.
Thank you. Oh, wait…is it okay to say that on a BLOG??? Man, are we ever becoming a rude society. But not by that jerk’s standards. We’re rude BECAUSE of his standards. I am a total techno geek. I love technology. But I also like thank you emails, and interacting with people whether it’s via text, email, phone, or face to face. Well, I honestly don’t like talking on the phone that much…but I WILL. LOL. I agree with what you’re saying in this post. And I really appreciate thank you emails. I get them from customers all the time, and they make me smile.
I’m completely guilty of having my iPhone glued to my hip (or my iPad), yet I still see the need for niceties. So yeah, this attitude that the digital era eliminates the need for them seems to be more of an excuse for not wanting to be bothered with them.
(Thank you for your comment.
)
Well said, Amber! I totally agree.
P.S. Sorry for wasting your time and being so rude by writing you compliments that are clearly implied via that mind talking thing we obviously have because I am subscriber to your blog.
OBVIOUSLY, you commented here, which means you are interested in what I have to say, so thanking me is a WASTE OF MY TIME.
Sheesh.
Could everyone stop wasting my time with their comments?
(How weird would it be if I really thought that…and yet…)
Clearly, this guy never watched the big purple dinosaur sing about three magic words: http://youtu.be/3TxIoM-MkR8. I think I need to hire Barney to provide the entertainment for this guy’s next birthday party.
I live in the world where courtesy is a showing of decency and respect. Period.
So thanks, Amber. And *mwah* (that’s your kiss from me).
So many kisses!
I agree. I prefer a world of decency and respect. If that means I have to shuffle a few extra emails, so be it.
I love your cheeky little post today. Because I saw that article and I just scrunched up my face and moved on. I don’t know when incivility became the new default setting, but it seems to be the case. If that is the case, I suppose, I would prefer to be the big purple dinosaur to whom Julie is referring.
I’m all about the cheek, Renee. My nickname in high school was “Cheeks” after all. (wait a sec…)
It’s funny, I think I started to notice people doing away with the niceties about 5+ years ago. I had a district manager who told us, if you expect an answer from me, you’d better text me. At least the one prior to him left a message on her voicemail stating that she would get back to you as quickly as she could, but for more rapid results, please feel free to text her.
A couple years ago, our HR consultant mentioned that as much as she appreciated the little courtesies of “Thank you” reply emails, they tended to bog down her box, thus they were unnecessary. Of course this was also the person that asked that we text her after we sent her corrective action for review so that she’d know to keep an eye out on her email.
Pretty soon there will be no need to talk to anyone…ever. Everything anyone needs to be said will be done in Memes.
I get that people have busy inboxes, but really? If my “thank you” is bogging you down, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’ve got much bigger issues going on with your workflow than my insistence on being polite.
Although, I DO like the idea of communicating via Meme…
I’m still working my way through all the happy birthdays I received on FB a few days ago. A number of people have pointed out that there is no need for me to thank each person as I was feeling overwhelmed by several hundred messages. My feeling is that if someone took time out of their day to wish me happy birthday I owe it to them to respond.., I wonder how many are annoyed at my responding? LOL with the Vulcan mind meld there is no reason to talk to anyone… Yet vulcans did… Because its the polite thing to do.
I’m all about acknowledging someone taking their time to pay a kindness towards me – whether it be wishing me well, answering a question I have, etc…
I even do that here on the blog. I try (I don’t always succeed) to answer every comment. On busier posts, it means more work, but honestly, the readers could just read and move on without a word. I know how busy people are and like to thank them for stopping – whether that be by continuing the conversation with them, or simply saying “thanks”!
This is a great response, Amber! Loved this line, which is such a good point: “Not to mention that texting can be just as intrusive as a phone call. A call or voice mail can easily be ignored until you are ready to listen, but a text sits there on your phone’s screen, begging to be read RIGHT NOW.”
I feel a LITTLE guilty reading this since I’m a big advocate AGAINST constant thanking on Twitter. So I just want to clarify my stance on that. I don’t think it’s necessary to thank one person in a way that makes all of your followers see it. All I push for is starting with the @name so the tweet goes to that person first and foremost! It’s one thing to thank a person. It’s another to make a show of it. That’s the important difference!
Nina – I know about your Twitter peeve and I totally get it. I wouldn’t lump you into the non-thankers.
I do still say thank you for a lot of things on Twitter, but I almost always do it as an “@” reply, not a message to everyone in the feed.
If someone said something awesome that I want to share, then yeah, I may thank and quote, but to do it all the time makes all the “thanks” seem less genuine – like they are about promoting rather than courtesy. In my opinion, anyway.
Thank You! This is a great response to someone who probably has his cell phone out at the dinner table. I dislike those people. If you’re going to ignore everyone around you, do it properly – with a book
Hahahaha… or knitting.. or knitting AND a book.