And then there was the time someone said something stupid on the internet…

May 8, 2013 By 29 Comments

My Twitter feed lit up last night with “news” that the CEO of Aberfrombie and Crotch* stated in an interview that he doesn’t carry clothing over a certain size in his store and because he only wants the cool kids to shop there, and as we all know, the cool kids do not exceed size 10.**

There’s been lots of outrage voiced over his words. In a society where eating disorders are rampant and girls are already made to feel less if they don’t fit the model portrayed on TV and in magazines, having a grown man echo what many girls already feel about themselves was not exactly a warm and fuzzy moment.

At the same time, this really isn’t news, is it? Clothing designers have done this for ages. Even successful actresses who are larger than the average actress (you know, all three of them) have voiced how difficult it is to get a designer gown in their size since many designers just don’t make them.

It’s just not news.

The original article that surfaced did give me pause – but not for the obvious reason. Yes, the CEO said something incredibly stupid and insensitive, albeit unsurprising. The author of this article closed out his thoughts by sharing that looking at this CEO, he obviously wasn’t one of the pretty people he markets to.

I get it. CEO says something stupid and mean and potentially harmful to an entire group of people so let’s lash out.

Being outraged at this man for making a value judgement based on looks is wholly valid. But turning around and doing the exact same thing waters down your argument and even perpetuates the behavior, doesn’t it?

And therein lies the problem. Too often in this society, people who are hurt by someone else’s insensitivity (that’s being a bit too generous in this case – let’s call it stupidity) fight back with the same tactics.

Whether it be fighting with words, or returning actual violence for violence, where does it get you?

geek

Part of my cool wardrobe.

The other thing that stood out was this CEO’s view of what the “all-American cool kid” is. If tuning into teen dramas on TV was my market research, I’d probably agree with him. When you look at shows like Gossip Girl (random choice, they are definitely not the only guilty one) – where every cast member is thin, gorgeous, wealthy, and impeccably dressed – the cool kids are, in fact, modelesque. And shows like this are what a lot of young people love.

Cool kids have money. Perfect skin. Tiny waists.

So, while I certainly agree with everyone’s disdain for what came out of this dude’s facehole, the issue goes beyond what some guy refrained from saying with his inside voice. It’s an entire culture. It’s what a lot of young (and sadly, not-so-young) people believe, particularly in this country, and it’s a belief that continues to be upheld by TV, movies, and even some books.

A lot of responses to this article include, “I’ll never shop there!” I don’t shop at A&F already – even when I could fit my butt in their pre-torn and over-wrinkled jeans. Their stores didn’t lure me in with their heavily perfumed scent and walls covered in half-naked models. I’m not the “all-american cool kid” they’re looking for. ***

But I think a more important response to this article than whether or not you’ll be purchasing their overpriced t-shirts, is looking at how we participate in the culture that created a market where a CEO can feel justified in making these statements.

What are we personally choosing to teach our children (and ourselves) about hurtful statements and what’s beautiful?  

 

*not the actual store name
**not a direct quote – you can google the article if you wish to get the full scoop
***i’m more of a comfy jeans and geeky t-shirt kid 

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Beauty of a Woman Blogfest

February 9, 2012 By 49 Comments

Today’s post is a contribution to August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest. Be sure to visit her blog on February 10th to read posts from all over the blogosphere.

Beauty, noun

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

Beauty is a funny thing. I’ve never thought of myself as beautiful. Even on days where I could look in the mirror and feel like I looked pretty, beautiful was never the word that crossed my mind.

When August asked for bloggers to contribute to a blogfest discussing the Beauty of a Woman, I was more than happy to participate, but I couldn’t imagine writing a post that had anything to do with me.

So I sat here in front of the computer and thought.

And thought. When was the last time I felt beautiful?

My reflex was to say never. Not in my skinny teenage years, not on my wedding day, not ever. As much as a I rail against the media’s depiction of female attractiveness, I am totally a victim of it. I don’t fit into that magazine cover image. I despise shopping for clothes as it inevitably involves too many mirrors. I avoid cameras (at least the front of them) at all costs.

I don’t think I am beautiful.

This morning, I woke up to the sounds of my best friend in the kitchen. She and her husband are cooking us breakfast – yuca, eggs, and bacon. I’m sitting here, sipping coffee while chatting with them, just like I did when she and I were roomies in Seattle.

She is one of my dearest friends, practically a sister to me. We’ve taken care of each other on days when we’ve been sick and miserable and days filled with stress (like our weddings). We’ve traveled together, taken vacations where we sat around in relaxed silence knitting and reading, and generally enjoyed each others’ company while doing absolutely nothing.

Beauty: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.

Sitting here this morning, intensely pleased and deeply satisfied (and not just because there is bacon), I can tell you this: my friend is beautiful.

And I guess, if I am the the same kind of friend for her, so am I.

Beautiful.

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Dear Fox News: Don’t Be a Jerk

December 12, 2011 By 52 Comments

This weekend I was doing a little online reading when, somehow, this article appeared. For those of you disinclined to click a link while reading a post, I’ll sum it up for you. The “article” is a series of photos of celebs who have “lost their mojo”. The slide show runs through about 50 people, once considered hot stars who look less than that now.

I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of person felt good about themselves upon writing this. I feel weird even calling it “writing”. Let’s just call it typing.

“Umm, this guy was like hot when I was 12. Look at him in this photo. He totally looks like he ate a burger. Oh, and he has, like, wrinkles and stuff. I’m totally writing about this. This article is going to rock your socks. Also, I’m awesome.”

Of course, this writer/pretend journalist likely has the attention span of a flea* so instead of writing an actual article on one actor, they scoured the interwebs for unflattering photos of anyone over 30 and simply wrote 15-25 word blurbs about each photo.

If you take the time to scroll through the photos, which, sadly, I did, you’ll notice a few things. For any of you who plan to be famous some day, take notes.

I hope I look this good at his age. Except, less like a man.

1. Do not get old**. It’s clearly not allowed. Actors like Alec Baldwin, Matthew Perry, and Corbin Bernsen were included in this gallery. Now, I don’t know about you, but I still think all three of these guys are still handsome men. Catherine Bach, Linda Hamilton, and Kathleen Turner made the list as well, again, for the sole offense that they’ve aged. Wrinkles. Totally ew.

2. Do not gain weight. If you have children, you better get that butt to the gym immediately. If you aren’t Glamour magazine ready in six weeks or less, well, you’ve obviously given up.

3. While you can’t get old, you also should not get plastic surgery. At least not any kind that  anyone will ever notice. I know, I said wrinkles are “ew” but if people can tell that you had something tucked or inflated, then clearly, you’re trying too hard.

4. Don’t ever be in a photo that isn’t professionally taken, photoshopped, and approved by you. Every “after” shot of you will be some picture of you leaving your house after being struck down with swine flu for a month. Or slurping spaghetti at a diner in between takes. These photos will be used as evidence of how ugly you’ve become. Also, these photos will be taken from angles that give you five chins.

Now, as adorable as I am with bedhead, I am one of the least photogenic people I know. And, having somewhat recently passed the “old” threshold, I’m happy to say that I have no grand plans of becoming a star of stage or screen. (Sorry, Hollywood.)

Despite the fact that I will never be the subject of a spread like this, I still find the article disturbing. The celebs in these photos probably don’t even look at these things, and if they did, they’d likely just wipe away their almost-tears with a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. So, while I feel for them, there is a much bigger issue here.

Body image has been a hot topic for a long time. Setting unrealistic goals for young girls and guys (and let’s face it, the not so young) resulting in all sorts of self-esteem and eating issues is dangerous. Articles like this just solidify that unhealthy view and put the focus on the external. Welcome to why we have shows like Jersey Shore clogging up our TVs.

Lately, bullying has become the hotter topic. Accepting people for who they are. Apparently this does not apply if you gain weight, wrinkles, or simply look bad in an unfortunately timed photo. The same news outlets that report on the tragedy of a young person taking their own life, or the lives of others, because in part they were bullied, posts articles that are essentially written by bullies.

Bullies are cowards. They pick on others to make themselves feel bigger and better. They feel deficient, so they mock what they deem deficient in others, hoping no one will look too closely at them.

And every once in awhile, they are just jerks.

So, to the person who wrote this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you feel dumb, or fat, or ugly. I’m sorry that you feel the only way to express your own inadequacies is to point and laugh at others from the comfort and anonymity of your desk chair. I’m sorry that whoever chose to publish this feels that you need Perez Hilton-like idiocy to get people to visit your news site.

Also, be aware that someone, somewhere has or will have very unflattering pictures of you. Better hope they like themselves enough not to share them.

Or that they’re not a jerk.

***

*Fleas, I apologize. That was unfair of me.
**By “old”, I mean over thirty. ***It should be noted that I will make jokes about people I love. But there is a line.

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Friday Inspiration

July 8, 2011 By 31 Comments

In the fourth grade, our teacher would spend a portion of every afternoon reading from one of her favorite books.  Some kids fell asleep.  Some kids doodled.  But some of us sat there and imagined ourselves in the story.

Or at least I did.

This same teacher introduced me to one of my favorite authors, Roald Dahl.  She read us Matilda, and I was hooked.

Many years later, when I was teaching, I passed my love of all things Dahl down to the kids at my school.  If you’ve never read any of his books, go to the library (or bookstore) now and read some.  If you are already familiar, read his accounts of childhood, which will explain a lot about the inspiration for his stories.

In honor of my love for Dahl, I bring you today’s thought:

There is a great deal of wisdom in Dahl’s books, perhaps one of the reasons I love them so. In a society that puts such a strong emphasis on outward appearance, I find this one especially beautiful.

Too many of us forget that it isn’t all about the external.  That even if we say nice things, it’s equally important to be thinking nice things, too.

Sometimes it’s hard to do.  We are bombarded by horrible images and stories throughout our day via the news or even unfortunate interactions with people around us.  Then, we get home and plop in front of the television, where the choices there may be no better.

So, this weekend, take a little time to fill your head with something good. And then dwell on those thoughts.  I guarantee you’ll feel better.

No one will even notice that impossibly long hair growing out of your chin.

And if that doesn’t motivate you enough…

It's true. I can hear them scream.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

 

Currently Listening to:  Oswald on the TV in the background

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