The Real IKEA Assembly Guide

You should know something about me.

I can not resist the siren song that is IKEA. Her winding warehouse, her Swedish meatballs, her ridiculously low prices for things with names like “Spoang” and “Flerken”; I love it all.

This means that I have had the privilege to assemble more than one of her flatly packed pieces of furniture. Due to my impatient “DO IT NOW!” nature, I seldom wait for assistance in these projects, and I don’t exactly prepare for the project ahead of time.

This has resulted in some altering of the IKEA assembly manual.

Tools? IKEA products always come with one of those handy allen wrenches, so everything else can be managed with a coin. Or a blade of some sort. Dowels (which are very popular in these packages) can simply be slammed in place with a book, the palm of your hand, or your thumb.

Children should not be present when assembling furniture.

What? No rug or blanket to place underneath your project?

You don’t want to break your precious goods before you’ve oh-so-carefully pieced them together. By placing the heavy furniture on your legs as you work, you’ll keep both your wood floors AND your purchase safe.

This tactic can also be applied for moments when two people are needed, but only one is available. You’ll be amazed how you can contort yourself in the name of inexpensive furniture.

Well into the project, realize that you’ve put one or more pieces on backwards. You will only notice this because the holes needed to connect to another piece will be facing the wrong way.

Throw your hands in the air and flail about like one of those weird air creatures in front of car dealerships that are supposed to lure you in, but in reality give you nightmares.

Lay on the floor and cry. Drink copiously. Yell random Swedish words while you drown in tears, sweat, and your beverage of choice.

Splurg! Dragor! Hugad! VASENTLIG!

After yelling Swedish-sounding words to the sky, get a Thor-like second wind. Channel your inner Chris Hemsworth (mmmm…Hemsworth…) and run around the house with a rubber mallet yelling, “I am the GOD OF FURNITURE!”

Realize that the rubber mallet would have been helpful earlier when you were pushing dowels into tiny holes with your bare hands. Laugh at the fact that “dowels” sounds a lot like “bowels”.

Enter the tornado of remaining pieces, hungry for a finished bedframe. (Or bookcase, or table…)

WARNING: There will be blood.

Stand back and proudly look upon the fruit of your labors. Give the furniture a hardy shake. If it remains standing, disregard the leftover dowels and screws.

Breathe in the smell of success. It smells like sweat, metal, and a little urine.

Also, invest in a good First Aid Kit. I think you can find one at IKEA.

 

[ed. Confirmed. IKEA does have a First Aid Kit.]

Why It’s Worth a Watch Wednesday – Leap Year!

Welcome to this week’s Why It’s Worth a Watch Wednesday Tiffany and I are back from celebrating #watchwed’s one year anniversary and are rarin’ to go. (If you missed the celebration, we took photos. Go check them out.) This week Tiffany takes on the premiere of Dallas, and I hit the interwebs for entertainment, coming up with Leap Year.

Regular readers of this series know that I just recently killed my cable. That’s right. The girl who tells you what’s worth watching on television doesn’t have one.

Well, that’s not entirely true. With services like Netflix and Hulu+, I get a wide variety of my favorite programs. But, I don’t get everything I once did. So, as a service to the many of you who are in the same cable-less boat, I’ll be scouring the web series of the world for the best in online entertainment. (I’ve already begun with a previous review of Battleground.)

Leap Year caught my eye some time ago. I can’t recall exactly, but I’m sure it had something to do with Craig Bierko’s involvement in the project. I tuned in for the first episode and that was that.

The series follows 5 friends: Jack (Drew Lanning), Aaron (Yuri Baranovsky), Bryn (Alexis Boozer), Derek (Wilson Cleveland), and Olivia (Daniela DiIorio). Each character is trying to start a new business after being laid off, or “released” from their old job, in an effort to win half a million in funding for their startup.

I adore this show for the simple fact that it is good. Not only believable, but likable characters engaged in witty, realistic dialogue, in a plot that is interesting and current…there aren’t many TV shows to which I can attribute a similar description.

The part that I find particularly interesting is that this is “branded television”, yet the brand (Hiscox, provider of small business insurance) is not visible in the actual show. The show manages to successfully chronicle the various ups and downs of a small business, particularly a startup, which not only resonates with the brand’s key demographic, but entertains anyone who watches. For businesses venturing into branded entertainment, Leap Year certainly sets the standard.

Oh, and did I mention the guests? Season one boasted Mashable’s Adam Ostrow and entrepeneurs like Guy Kawasaki and Gary Vaynerchuk, as well as the hilarious Craig Bierko and Julie Warner. This season has stars like Elisha Dushku, Emma Caulfied, Steven Weber, and my favorites, Craig Bierko (he’s worth mentioning again, right?) and Joshua Malina.

That list shouldn’t detract from the regular cast, whose talents make this show work.

Yeah, so, my point is, I like the show. A lot. GMacTV, people. The episodes aren’t lengthy, so it’s more of a gourmet snack than a meal, but it is totally worth sitting down for.

Are any of you watching Leap Year? Have you jumped into more original web programming yet? Do you have any favorites? Which ones would you like featured on Why It’s Worth a Watch?

Now, head over to Tiffany’s and see her thoughts on the much discussed Dallas.

Come back next week when we review something…  it’s summer time and the heat is taking a toll on our planning ahead.

Remember to stop by the #watchwed hashtag on Twitter to discuss any of today’s reviews, or to mention any television programs that you’d like to see on Why It’s Worth a Watch Wednesday in the future.

Last week, we offered a special anniversary giveaway where I promised one lucky commenter from my blog and another from Tiffany’s a red carpet event photo with the celebrity of their choice.  First, THANK YOU to everyone who participated!  But sadly we can only have one winner. Or, technically, two.

After using the random number generator at www.random.org, lucky #11 won here!

Who is #11?

::shuffles papers::

Angela Ackerman! Angela, I’ll be contacting you for a photo to use for your red carpet experience. We’ll post the photos next week.

[Edited to add: You can check out Leap Year on Hulu or here. Enjoy!]

A Recap of The WatchWed Review System:

GTV (Gourmet TV): Everything we want and more
GMacTV (Gourmet MacNCheese TV): A combination of fine wine and comfort food MacTV (MacNCheese TV): Guilty pleasure. Not perfect, but is satisfies
JFTV (Junk food TV): It’s not great for us, but we’ll go back for seconds
TBPTV (Twice Baked Potato TV): Part gourmet and delicious, while absolutely horrible for our cholesterol
SSTV (Still Simmering TV): It has potential, but the jury is still out
NIV (Nyquil Induced Viewing): Perfect for that late night television sleep timer
LOTV (Liver&Onions TV): Do we really have to explain? Blech

Forever Twenty-One

I’ve been tagged by two different bloggers with two different sets of questions, for a total of twenty-one questions. I will not be passing this along, ‘cause I’m a rebel (and a loner, Dottie), but I will answer them to the best of my ability on a weekend.

First on the block, elevensies! Not a Hobbit reference, but the eleven questions sent my way by Mike Schulenberg. I responded to this tagging mostly because he referenced Monty Python in his. Awesome.

If you could live in a fictional world, where would that be?

When the hubs and I were dating, one of the first gifts he gave me was Myst – the book, not the video game, although the video game is also way awesome and I would live there. I always thought that world was so serene (in its own way) and intricate.

And of course, I would want to ability to create worlds by writing them.

Fiction or non-fiction?

Both. Don’t make me choose!

If I was forced to choose one for the rest of my life I would probably go with non-fiction. I can always make up fictional stories for myself. Learning that comes from reading non-fiction fuels new stories, so I wouldn’t want to miss out on that.

Do you read in noisy or quiet places?

I have a toddler. Yes, that is an answer.

But seriously, I like having music on at ALL times, so I guess noisy, although I don’t really think of music as “noise”.

Do reviews influence your choice of reads?

They can, but they aren’t the only criteria. Reviews that just say, “Dis book bitez” don’t really tell me anything. But if a bad review reveals details about poor writing or story development, or ideas that I might find bothersome, it may hinder my purchase.

I do enjoy reading bad reviews, though. Like this one for A Confederacy of Dunces, a book I loved as a teen:

“If you want to read about a bunch of dunces go for it, because that is ALL this book is!”

[Well, reviewer, yes. I guess the book should have mentioned it was a confederacy of...oh WAIT A MINUTE!]

A review from a trusted friend holds way more weight than a random stranger on the interwebs. But even than, books are very personal choices.

Audio books or paperbacks?

I haven’t actually tried audio books. If I had a commute to work, I imagine I would enjoy them. Especially if this guy was reading to me.

But, since I don’t, I prefer the voice in my head with a paperback.

What was the first book you remember reading?

Something by Dr. Seuss, I’m sure.

First “grown up” book I recall reading was Jane Eyre. I was in fourth or fifth grade and my mom had just finished reading it. She may not remember, but she handed me a list of words from the book that she didn’t think I would understand and told me that I could read the book once I defined all the words on the list.

I sat with the dictionary, looked them all up and wrote down the definitions, then traded the paper in for the book.

I kind of love that my mom made me work for it.

Favorite author?

This is happening.

I don’t think I really have one. I loved Roald Dahl as a kid and still think his books are great, but as an adult I don’t have one that stands out in my mind. I mean, there are classics like Shakespeare and Gabriel Garcia Marquez that I couldn’t be without, but I don’t know that they are my favorite.

Also, when typing this, I totally typed Sharkespeare.

Classic or Modern Novels?

Hard choice.

I have really varied taste. On my bookshelf you might find Love in the Time of Cholera next to a Sophie Kinsella novel, sitting on top of Cervantes and Dante, sandwiched between Tad Williams and C.S. Lewis. I don’t like to choose between them.

So, I won’t. You can’t make me.

Have you ever met your favorite author?

photo credit is MESince I don’t have one, no. And other than some of the lovely authors I’ve met online, I have never met one of them in person.

My kid brother (I say “kid”, but he is 26) met Mo Willems and got him to sign Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus for me. That’s about as close as I’ve been.

I was appropriately stoked. The Pigeon books are the awesome.

At this moment, I would love to meet A.J. Jacobs. I adore his books.

Book groups or solitary reading?

I have never been part of a book club. I am not against it, but it would take the right group of people for me to enjoy it. I have not met that group of people yet.

Actually, I take that back. The people that would make the perfect book group for me happen to live in Seattle and Arizona. So, unless we start having some sort of Google Video Chat book club, I see little book clubbing in my future.

If you could read only one book for the rest of your life, what would it be?

The rest of my life? That’s mean. But, I’d want something useful in various situations, so…

The Bible. Surprised?

And on to the next set of questions, brought to you by Tiffany White.

Do you prefer coffee or tea in the mornings?

Coffee. It’s not so much the caffeine as it is the ritual. I could probably replace the morning coffee with tea and be fine with it, since I do love tea.

What book have you read over and over again?

I’ve read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead a number of times. I love reading plays – which probably explains why I am such a dialog junkie when I write. I’ve read quite a few of Shakespeare’s comedies over and over as well.

What’s your favorite outdoor activity?

I despise the heat and I live in Florida. Obviously, those two things don’t really mix, so, if I have to be outside and active (ergo, increasing the heat factor) then I want to be in the water, swimming.

When I lived in Washington state, the idea of hiking appealed to me, since I love to explore in the woods and found the mountains breathtaking. Alas, my faulty heart valves made real hiking incredibly difficult.

Do you cook and/or bake straight from the recipe, or do you get creative and throw things together in the kitchen?

Definitely creative. I love cookbooks for the ideas they plant, but I often just go to the cupboard and see what I can make happen. I love pairing flavors that people don’t necessarily imagine working.

I recently even attempted baking by ratios rather than recipe. Math is hard, ya’ll.

Where is your favorite place to visit in the United States?

Hmmm. Seattle tops the list because my two very best friends in the whole wide world live there. Oh, and it’s full of bookstores, coffee, and gorgeous scenery.

Number two…probably New York. I kind of adore Brooklyn.

Photo credit: Amber West

From my last zoo visit.

Which animals must you see when visiting a zoo?

Sloths. Lllamas. Lemurs. Pretty much everything. I am an animal lover. Even the creepy crawly stuff, like snakes, lizards, and scorpions. I love it all.

What’s your favorite television show airing today?

I don’t know what my favorite is. Love BBC’s Downton Abbey and Sherlock (eagerly awaiting the new seasons of both).

And no, I’ve never been to England. A shame, right?

What’s your favorite television show of all time?

Another tough one! I’ll go with the only two I bothered to actually purchase on DVD. Firefly and Arrested Development. I am sure there are others that I like just as well, but those are the first two that come to mind.

What’s your favorite movie of all time?

Again, with the favorites. I am horrible at these questions. I am sure after this is posted I’ll think, “Gah! I totally love Movie X and didn’t mention it!”

I love Emma, Ever After, and Sliding Doors. Mildly interesting sidenote, I don’t really love Gwyneth Paltrow, yet she is in two movies I have an attachment to. Go figure.

What do you like to snack on when at the movie theater?

I am not a huge fan of the traditional snacks (I tire of the fake butter popcorn rather quickly and will be sick if I eat a box of candy) but I do allow myself a big ole Cherry Coke when I watch a movie at the theater.

Unless it’s a three hour epic film, in which case I avoid the mega large drink and stick to a small water. ‘Cause, you know, can’t take a pee break in the middle of a movie I am paying to see.

We have an independent movie house here that I LOVE where you can order real food before the movie starts and a waitress brings it to you. I can watch an indie film and get my grub on.

Sigh.

Who is your current Hollywood or otherwise famous crush?

How much time do you have?

Oddly enough, I was never that girl when I was younger. You know, the one with the NKOTB Trapper Keeper, doodling Mrs. Amber McIntire on the back of my homework. (That’s one of those guys, right?)

Even now, when other women talk about dudes like Paul Walker and Matthew McConahowdoyouspellit or whatever hard body is the flavor of the day, I don’t get it. I mean, I get it, aesthetically and what not. It just doesn’t do anything for me.

Of the guys to lately catch my attention, Richard Armitage is probably the one that most ladies would be quick to approve. It’s his voice that I love, and the intensity he brings to the characters he plays. And, yeah, he doesn’t hurt the eyes any.

Among my geekier flames:

David Tennant, for being funny, Scottish, and The Doctor (because, really, there need be no other reasons than those).

Hugh Laurie for the funny. I’ve long been a fan of the British when it comes to humor.

And, because Tiffany asked this and I am sure she is thinking I left someone out, if I find a guy funny and interesting, then he tends to falls into the “I adore you” category (like Chris Hardwick, Craig Bierko, et al.). Therefore, I reserve the right to add someone to this list at any time, or refer to an actor as “my boyfriend” in conversation.

That about covers all the questions. If this bored you out of your mind, you can thank Tiffany and Mike. :)

Why It’s Worth a Watch Wednesday – A Guide

My TV watching buddy and I came to a realization recently. Why It’s Worth a Watch has been going strong for quite some time. With so many posts under our belts, we thought now would be a good time to give you a full recap of what shows will be satisfying your entertainment appetite, and which dishes you should pass on.

Going from the worst to best choices, here are the shows I’ve reviewed. Be sure to check out Tiffany’s list for a full guide of what’s worth watching. First off, a quick recap of the Watchwed rating system:

GTV (Gourmet TV): Everything we want and more
MacTV (MacNCheese TV): Guilty pleasure. Not perfect, but is satisfies
JFTV (Junk food TV): It’s not great for us, but we’ll go back for seconds
SSTV (Still Simmering TV): It has potential, but the jury is still out
NIV (Nyquil Induced Viewing): Perfect for that late night television sleep timer
LOTV (Liver&Onions TV): Do we really have to explain? Blech

I’ve only had to suffer through one Liver and Onions worthy show, Hawthorne. Thankfully, the show was not renewed for another season, so unless you run into it in syndication, it will be easy to avoid this awful dish.

I was a bit surprised that I only have one awful review, but don’t get too excited. This is less of a sign of better TV shows as it is my reluctance to give anyone a truly awful review, and Tiffany’s reluctance to make me watch something I already think I’m going to hate.

Which probably explains why I came up with Nyquil Induced Viewing. There are a few shows that fall in the “only when under the influence and trapped in bed” category. Sadly, both shows feature a female lead. Hollywood, please, I beg of you, write more quality roles for women. I know you can do it. The Protector and Body of Proof definitely are not evidence of that. (Incidentally, The Protector was not renewed for a second season. Body of Proof has been, but struggles in the ratings.)

When I’m looking for empty calories, my Junk Food TV shows were Chloe King on ABC Family and Harry’s Law. Being that I never returned to watching The Nine Lives of Chloe King, it was junk food that didn’t really grab my sweet tooth. This treat was discontinued (cancelled) in September, but others must still be looking for it, as ABC Family is in talks for a movie version. Harry’s Law sits in the DVR queue for weeks at a time and only gets a watch if there is nothing else around to satisfy my TV craving, but last I heard the network ordered six more episodes, so it’s still safe in the candy drawer.

Going back through the reviews, I noticed that one solitary show was sitting on the back burner still. Necessary Roughness caught my eye initially with Craig Bierko involved, but episodes without him didn’t hold my interest. It wasn’t bad, so it at least deserves to be tossed in the back of my junk drawer for later.

Now, judging by the amount of shows that fall in the MacTV and GTV rating categories, I love TV more than I care to admit.

While I haven’t watched the latest season, my very first #watchwed post fell between Junk Food and MacTV viewing, an impressive feat for a show on a network I never watched previous to this series. Switched at Birth, while predictable, was easy to watch drama on ABC Family. In the same category, a show I enjoy (but don’t get too upset if I miss) is Royal Pains, a light medical drama on USA. Also a simple, enjoyable watch.

Although blessed with a huge budget and substantial names backing it, Terra Nova only garnered a MacTV rating upon additional review. And that’s mostly because I kind of dig dinosaurs. I’m more excited about another newcomer, Falling Skies, set to return in the summer, as well as Once Upon a Time, a fairy tale based series created by the fellows that brought you Lost. Despite having somewhat favorable #watchwed ratings, sci-fi and fantasy shows don’t have a great track record lately, even popular ones, as I discovered when I went to review Eureka. We’ll see if Terra Nova or Falling Skies can break the trend.

That's the fear of cancellation in their eyes.

Comedy sitcoms have been pretty surprising this past year. With ratings ranging from the questionable macaroni salad that is Community to the gourmet mac that is Parks and Recreation, there seems to be something for everyone. Newcomers Suburgatory and New Girl have both been pleasant surprises, shows that I look forward to and even rewatch.

A Mac rated show I haven’t kept up with, but perhaps should, is Covert Affairs. With the soon to be absence of Chuck on my TV (::moment of silence: :) I could use something to fill the gap, and this just might be the right show. For now.

Pourin' a 40...

My favorite of my MacTV shows has to be Person of Interest. Great action, premise, and actors. I really look forward to settling in for this one, living up to its Gourmet MacTV rating.

So, what were my favorites of the “Why It’s Worth a Watch…” series thus far?

Initially, my Gourmet rating bore the kiss of death. Men of a Certain Age, a well written and acted drama, was too slow for the TV watching majority and didn’t survive. House, a show that I admit is probably MacTV viewing for most by now, but still held a special place with me, is also being considered for cancellation.

But the success of some of my other GTV shows gives me hope. The Mentalist continues to move forward with the Red John storyline, but in a way that keeps me interested. The Good Wife and Mad Men are proof that strong female leads can be written on TV (they have more female writers than most shows…take a hint TV). Castle continues to keep me and many others entertained, particularly with its winks and nods to loyal fans with inside jokes and Firefly references.

And Nathan Fillion, of course.

But more than all of them, the fanciest most gourmet meal on my plate goes to:

I just swoon.

Downton Abbey. Season two began last week and I am once more swooning over everything about this show. Originally a “Queue It Up!” selection in our series, it’s back on PBS in full swing and should not be missed. If you watch nothing else, watch this show. It is, without a doubt, absolutely delicious.

WATCH IT NOW!

Ahem.

If that’s not enough for you, Tiffany and I each gave a couple of our Netflix queue favorites in addition to our regular reviews. On my list was Law and Order: Criminal IntentSherlock, and of course, Firefly.

We’ve got more new shows coming, so many more reviews to come! What shows already in progress need to be in our list? What new shows are you looking forward to? 

Thank you to all of our readers for your continued support of the Why It’s Worth a Watch series. If you aren’t chatting with us about your favorites on Twitter, come find us using the #watchwed tag.