I don’t like crowds.
Scratch that. It makes it sound like I’m a hermit who hates the thought of being around other human beings. Let’s try that again.
Something inside of me doesn’t respond well to being in the midst of lots of bodies.
A little better?
It took me some time to realize this fact. After all, at various times in my life I’ve had to stand in front of crowds at conferences/conventions, educating and entertaining, or mingle and attempt to be charming and well-informed as I schmoozed with strangers.
I managed to do this without much drama. After it was all over, I’d generally be okay. Exhausted, passed out on my hotel bed, but not in any sort of dire straights.
As the years have passed, I’ve begun to realize that in crowded situations that didn’t require me to be “on”, I was far less okay. Sometimes, I found myself breathing funny, pressure pushing in on my chest, suddenly feeling like I wanted to cry and find a quiet place to hide.
A few times, I did just that.
This weekend, when my sister offered me her ticket to MegaCon, oddly enough, I hesitated. So much wonderful geekery would be waiting for me. And this year, being the 25th anniversary of Star Trek: TNG, I knew that there would be some extra awesomeness in store.
And still, I hesitated.
Friday night, I spent the evening listening to Sir Patrick Stewart discuss Shakespeare in a tiny theater where I sat mere feet away from him. It was awesome (I’ll share details in another post). Invigorated from an excellent evening out, I decided I would take my sister’s ticket and go enjoy the geekery.
In my car Saturday afternoon, sitting blocks from the convention center, I stared at the long line of traffic ahead of me waiting to park. I knew there would be a wait. I had commitments in the morning and couldn’t head over until noon, so I expected parking to take a little while.
Nerd traffic. In case you can’t see it, he voted for Roslin.
After about a half hour of sitting, I felt that pressure in my chest. I was by myself in the car. I had no one to distract me.
I started to think about how long I might be waiting in traffic. How I could still pull out of the line and go home.
No. I’d probably pull away and discover I was five minutes from being there. Keep going. This isn’t a big deal.
Another twenty minutes passed.
Maybe I should go home. If it takes this long to park, how long will it take me to get in the building? I left the kid home with the husband. What if he is having a bad afternoon and by time I park, I get a call that he needs me?
No. He’s fine. I’m fine. Shut up brain. Let’s keep waiting.
Twenty more minutes passed.
If it’s this hard to get in to park, how hard is it to get out? What if the little man has an emergency and I can’t get out of the parking lot? What happens if I’m trapped?
I tweeted about the need for a churro-wrapped valium. I’m pretty sure there were spelling errors in the tweet.
Another twenty minutes.
OHMYWORDIHAVEN’TEATENINFOREVERI’MGOINGTODIEINMYCAROUTSIDEOFMEGACONANDBEFOUNDBYA
STORMTROOPER!
After a few deep breaths and another ten minutes, I was directed into a parking garage, found a spot immediately on the first level, and hopped out of my car.
I walked up the road, looking at all the people wandering up ahead on International Drive. [For the non-locals, International Drive is ALWAYS busy. It's a touristy part of town, and the Convention Center had a Home and Garden Show going on at the same time as MegaCon. Lots o' people.]
I was relieved when Thor, the pedicab driver, made eye contact with me from afar, gave me a salute and rolled his chariot up beside me.
“To Megacon, m’lady?”
“Indeed.”
Feeling the much needed breeze and listening to Thor tell me how he had other plans for his future, but the pedicab was Odin’s idea, and you really don’t cross Dad when he wants you to continue the family business, did much to ease my already jumpy nerves. I happily paid the five dollar fee (and then some – when I’m jumpy, I’m an especially generous tipper) when he dropped me at the convention center entrance, wished him the best with family therapy, and headed inside to meet my brother-in-law, who had been kind enough to acquire my entry bracelet for me.
[nb. After reading this post, my sister pointed out that it would be awesome if Thor had dropped me off and yelled, "ANOTHER!" as he sped off to pick up a new fare. I would agree with her assessment.]
As I made my way in, I saw costumed people scattered here and there and thought, “Oh, this is fun!”
Then, as I made it closer to the actual MegaCon entrance, I saw the sea of people.
::gulp::
I walked in with my brother-in-law. We stepped on to the main floor, booths of merchandise everywhere.
And so very many people.
People EVERYWHERE!
My brother-in-law offered to stick with me, but knowing that my goal was to snap photos of people and maybe spot Wil Wheaton, while his probably had something to do with acquiring Batman-related goods, I gave him a nod and headed off on my own.
Very quickly I found myself surrounded.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
I walked away from the rows of merchandise out to an open area, where people stood in groups, sat in circles on the ground, or wandered about, checking out each other’s costumes.
I paused when I heard music and found myself watching a TARDIS and StormTrooper in a Hawaiian shirt doing the Harlem Shake. Characters from all sorts of fandoms stood around laughing, while some joined in.
I smiled, and snapped a few pics.
I wandered some more, pausing here and there to snap photos of random people. I found that while I was enjoying myself, my anxiety kept me from taking as many photos as I would have liked. I worried about being in the way. I worried about upsetting someone. And I definitely didn’t feel like asking someone if they could look my way.
In my wandering, I stumbled upon an area where I saw some very familiar names hanging above tables. Michael Dorn. Marina Sirtis. Levar Burton. Brent Spiner.
My unintentionally “illegal” photo of Brent Spiner.
People stood in organized queues. It wasn’t packed. There was room to breathe.
And when I took another look, I noticed the people. The people whose names hung above them.
I wandered and weaved a bit, snapping a few more photos. And then, there, at the end of various Star Trek: TNG stars was Wil Wheaton. I snapped a photo and then looked at the line. It wasn’t awful looking.
Standing off to the side, I watched him and Patrick Stewart, who was the next table down, talk to people as they signed things for them. I looked out at the enormous crowd beyond the autograph area. I looked back at all the space in the area I stood.
When I made the choice to go to MegaCon, it was in part because I knew Wil Wheaton would be there, and I thought it would be cool to see him.
And I had accomplished that. I even managed to snap a photo moments before someone from the MegaCon staff let me know that this was a no photo area. (Ooops. I was good and didn’t take any after that.)
But then I thought about all that time I spent waiting to park. And that crushing feeling in my chest that I’d been ignoring as I wandered about the convention center.
After all that, why not say hi?
In real life, I don’t get all melty-fangirly about celebrities. I joke about it, but honestly, I’m not like that. I wouldn’t clam up and get starstruck if I ran into someone I was a fan of, but I also don’t like the idea of disturbing them. (Case in point, the night before I was walking next to – seriously, I could have elbowed him with little effort – Michael Dorn and Marina Sirtis. But I didn’t say a word to them, since I figured they were trying to enjoy their evening supporting Sir Patrick Stewart, not be approached by a random stranger.)
Had I spotted Mr. Wheaton wandering the Con floor, I probably wouldn’t have said hi. I would have wanted to let him enjoy wandering like anyone else.
So, figuring this was the only way I would actually say hello, I stepped into the line.
The time spent in line was fun. I discussed my three year old’s love of Doctor Who with other Whovians. Then I entertained the couple in front of me. I don’t know what I said, but apparently, I went into “on” mode, as there was much laughing the whole time we waited.
When it was finally my turn, I felt a bit silly, not having something with me to sign.* How would that have worked?
Can you sign the Star Trek: TNG theme song, one of the few things that kept my little one occupied as a very active toddler? No? Can you sign my iPad, where I’ve read all of your books? Rats. That doesn’t work. Can you sign my computer screen, where I’ve read your blog about your INFP-ness and your writing and numerous other things that make me stop and yell, “UGH, stop being in my brain!”? Yeah. Not so much.
I handed him one of the photographs provided at the table, a picture of him in a fez with a fake mustache.
He gave me a big smile. “Who is this for?”
“Me.” I paused, realizing that wasn’t entirely helpful. “I’m Amber.”
As he signed, I took a breath, and I’m not sure how it came out, but I told him, probably in an awkward run-on sentence, that he was nice enough to cheer me up on a comment on his blog recently, and I really just wanted to say thank you in person.
Instead of nodding politely and sending me on my way, he asked, “Oh? What were we talking about?”
So, I rambled some more, something about how he did a super great post on failure, and I was all “sad writer is sad” about a nasty review, and he was super kind about it and I probably used the word “super” an unacceptable number of times.
“Oh, yes, I remember that.”
And then I blurted once more. “And then you said you downloaded my book. And I died. The End.”**
That’s when his eyes widened, and rather loudly he responded, “OH! I HAVE YOU ON MY KINDLE!”
To which I’m fairly certain I yelled back, “I KNOW!”
[I am all class, ladies and gentlefolk.]
And then he proceeded to tell me exactly where in his Kindle queue I was. He told me what book he is finishing (which I only remember part of the title, so I’ll have to jog my memory on that), and I was either the next book, or the one right after.
I may have said something about being perfectly happy just being on the Kindle, and that this “queue reveal” had me a bit giddy. And then I let him know that I had downloaded his work, read it, and thought he really was a great writer and that he definitely needed to do more writing.
And he is. He told me a little bit about that, and some other nice stuff and I walked away with super warm fuzzies and pleased with the idea that sometimes, people ARE as nice (or even nicer) than they seem.
Happy Wil is happy. (Looking as pleasant as he really is.)
And sometimes, pushing past your comfort zone is totally worth it.
*it should be noted that I have never stood in line to talk to/get something signed by a celeb before; and yes, I was concerned about the etiquette involved. WHAT ARE THE RULES?!
**I may not have said “the end” out loud. I am certain I thought it.
So, for the three of you who didn’t look at this post and say “GAH. TLDR!” I reward you with a few more images from MegaCon. If you enjoyed the rambling, tune in when I tell you all about my Friday night listening to Patrick Stewart talk Shakespeare and how I found it is entirely possible to have a crush on a septuagenarian.
I didn’t snap this, but had to add it. She’s a friend dressed as Idris (she made the costume!) with her two kids, Eleven and Amy.
A merry band of Jayne’s wandering by.
I love geeky couples.
As much as I love seeing Tens and Elevens, it was fun to see this Doctor.
No idea what this is, but I pretty much want one.
Can someone tell me what they are? I don’t know, but I love the group cosplayers.
He walked up after I took this and offered to pose. I squeaked out an “I’m good”.
I wanted to hug him and fight him all at the same time. Adorbs.
Even Picard and Riker need to take a break once in awhile.
I can’t explain why I love this. I just do.
He had quite the crowd of ladies about him.
Delightful!
This dude ran up to me and yelled, “It’s a trap!”
A friend has decided this is the most “meme-able” photo of the bunch. He was NOT posing for the photo. This is how he stands.
cheeqz
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cheeqz
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cheeqz
cheeqz
I an in awe and envy at your tete-a-tete with Wil Wheaton!
Thanks. It was a good day.
If you’re ever in NY during comic con, you definitely have a convention buddy.
Mr. Mocete! That would be rad. (Yes, I just said “rad”.)
Love that you met Wil Wheaton! Soooo faboo! And also fantastic? Your dazzling photos. I’m getting ready for BlissDom, and I’m nervous nervous nervous! Thanks for reminding me good things can come that energy.
If I could be bummed about anything after my weekend, it’s that I didn’t take nearly enough photos. People really do it up and there were so many great costumes. I could have easily taken a thousand photos, had I not been so overwhelmed.
There just might have to be a next time.
Loved the post.
I loved reading this! I saw his panel on Saturday and it was really great! I’m so happy for you that you got to see him and talk to him! ^_^ Also seriously people at these cons really love being asked for their picture. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have dressed up. So it’s totally cool, if you venture out to one again, to go nuts with the picture taking!
Amber, the logical side of my brain told me exactly that – you don’t get all dressed up like that if you don’t want your photo taken, right? But since the emotional side is strong when I am in high anxiety mode, logic lost and fear took over.
I’m bummed that I didn’t see your adorable family there! (Would you care if I stole a photo from FB and posted it in here? You all were so cute.)
I *completely* understand! And yes, absolutely!
Best. Weekend. EVER!
I’m totally fangirling all the way out here on the West Coast for you. That is so cool you got to meet Wil and he has you on his Kindle!
Love, love, love the pics. Especially pensive man who is pensive.
I keep doing the comic book guy voice in my head.
And pensive man is pretty epic. I am looking forward to many a meme.
Amber, this was a delicious read! It’s proof positive that sometimes we must ignore what we think we really want to do and force ourselves to do something else. How very, very cool that you had the conversation that you did with Wil … AND that he remembered commenting on your post … AND that he recalled your book … AND that he will be reading it very soon! What a thrill and, dare I say, serendipitous!?! All your photos were fun too. Combine all that with your close encounter with Patrick Stewart on Friday evening and I would say you had quite the stellar weekend!
I want to clarify that while choosing to go was “pushing out of my comfort zone”, anxiety is very real, and isn’t always as simple as making a choice to ignore it. I’m not in any way advocating that anyone with these sorts of issues just take a deep breath and charge on.
In my case, it worked out on this particular day, so I am glad that I ignored the nagging, “turn around and go home” voices when I was waiting to park.
And yes, the conversation made it totally worth it.
It was definitely a great weekend.
I’m just a little jealous…okay, maybe a lot jealous. My husband and I really, really want to go to a convention, but they’re always so far away that we haven’t been able to afford it yet. I think it’s so cool that you actually got to talk to Wil Wheaton and got an “illegal” photo of Data.
MegaCon is always in Orlando, but I think this is the first year that I’ve been aware of such an epic list of guests. I hope you get to go to one someday in the near future!
And yes, the “illegal” photo of Data was exciting. Fun, and possibly embarrassing fact: I went through a phase where the character from TNG I crushed on most was…Data.
I’m not sure what that says about me.
Um it says you’re awesome, cause crushing on Data is a TOTALLY normal thing to do.
It says you and I have another thing in common
Marcy, you should try to get to DragonCon. All the geekiness, but cheaper hotels
DragonCon is actually the one at the top of our list!
Awww!! I am SO glad you pushed past the claustrophia and fear and found Wil Wheaton! I had my own Wheaton moment after DragonCon a couple of years ago. I was waiting in line to get on the plane to go back home, and as I entered the plane I saw in row 2…Wil Wheaton. He was trying to get situated in his seat and kept getting interrupted by fans as they went by. So when I got stuck in line right next to him, I was determined not to bother him. He glanced up and made eye contact so I smiled and said Hi. Then I blurted “great job, by the way, on the panel yesterday. I really enjoyed it.” He smiled and said thank you. He looked exhausted, and the line moved, so I moved on. I saw that little flicker of “I can’t believe she didn’t ask me for an autograph or pounce on me” in his eyes and then another small smile.
I did, however, brush his shoulder as I passed by. Because, you know…Wil Wheaton
I can’t imagine how exhausting trips like this must be for celebs. I mean, I know it comes with the territory, but at a certain point (like, when you are getting on a plane, going to the bathroom, trying to eat) I would think you just want to be able to have some peace.
Another reason I’m impressed by the ones that are so gracious about everything.
I’m so excited you got to chat with Will Wheaton author-to-author! And I would LOVE to hear Patrick Stewart talk about Shakespeare. Also, I’d be saying to Michael Dorn, “Hey, I like your role in Castle,” and to Brent Spiner, “You were really good in The Alphas.” I would think it’s nice at a MegaCon like this for the actors to know that you recognize their other work too.
The only time I stood in line for an autograph was Harry Belafonte over 20 years ago. He was delightful! (And yes, old and still handsome.) He asked my name, I said “Julie,” and he said, “That’s a beautiful name. That’s my wife’s name!” And voila! I felt bonded to the man who brought us Day-O!
Okay, it’s no Will-Wheaton’s-reading-my-book story, but it’s all I have.
Congrats, Amber!
Patrick Stewart was lovely, and being that I love Shakespeare, it was a pretty amazing evening listening to him talk about his time with The Royal Shakespeare Company.
That’s so funny what you said about Dorn and Spiner – I tend to think the same thing. I think a lot of these guys would appreciate knowing they are recognized for other work. (Personally, I would have wanted to tell Brent Spiner that I always loved his performance in Sunday in the Park with George.)
Also, I totally have this song in my head now that you’ve shared your Harry Belafonte story. Childhood flashbacks FTW!
Yes, honestly, Belafonte’s voice was amazing! So raspy when he talked, but smooth as silk when he sang.
OMG! What a great event and sounds like so much fun. I’m so glad you forced yourself out of your comfort zone. Thanks for sharing all the great pics. And Wil Wheaton has YOU on kindle. SQUEEEEEE!!!!!
Squee pretty much sums it up.
That would have made writing this post go much faster, eh?
Wil Wheaton is gonna read your book! Too, too cool! And I can totally get how you could have a crush on Patrick Stewart.
Sir Patrick is definitely swoon-worthy. And boy, is he a storyteller!
Awesome on SO many levels, Amber.
Thanks, Coleen!
I. AM. SO. JEALOUS. That is all.
Sorry! (Thank you? I never know the appropriate response to that.)
Where the heck is my picture of Jonathan Frakes?! I would have babbled, spilled water across his table, and then turned glassy-eyed to Patrick Stewart. Ha! Many congrats on the convo with WW. Awesomeness with a side of more awesome.
He wasn’t at the table when I was over there! He is the one person I didn’t see that I would have liked to. I know they had to do some schedule juggling (I think he got there later than the other cast members) since he was busy directing Castle.
I am so happy you stepped out of your comfort zone… and look what happened!!! Wil sounds like such an awesome guy and I know he’s going to love your book!! Best Weekend EVA!!!
Tiff – Most definitely. It was a great weekend.
Okay, seriously Amber, I had a panic attack just looking through all those pictures. Wow, there was a lot of people. But super cool that after suffering from all that anxiety, you actually got to talk to Wil and he has you on his Kindle. How cool is that? Well, you made it Amber and you didn’t die or anything. And you were worried about hubby and kid? Ah, what we put ourselves through. Now you can breathe!
I didn’t even take a picture of the areas where I was literally surrounded.
I was worried about the hubby and kid. I am ALWAYS worried about the kid.
I was building up a comment about how I don’t enjoy being in crowds. I can SMELL people. Their dirty hair, their deodorant, their lack of deodorant, their laundry soap, their perfume, their conditioner…and it makes me sneeze. Then, I get a headache. Usually, I have to use the neti pot when I get home.
….
But it all stopped coming when I saw that horsey guy. I’m going to have nightmares about that SOB, Amber!
So, first off, my sister has been to MegaCon before and warned me about “conference funk”. I have to say, I didn’t encounter any particularly offensive smells, so I was pleased. (I told my sister that this year’s con gets a “light funk” rating from me.)
You don’t like the horse? I love him.
Something about the horse is scary to me. I like getting scared, but I did have a nightmare that night.
I have a friend who has a very similar reaction to crowds as you do. We’re both fairly introverted, but she seems to really suffer when in a large crowd. I don’t mind it so much, but I would have been extremely reticent to chat it up like you did with Will Wheaton. As I read that part I was equal parts envious of your confidence and super thrilled for you. What an awesome guy! And how thrilling for you to not only meet him, but to also find out you’re book will soon be read by him. Very, very cool.
It’s funny. I don’t SEEM like an introvert when I am with a group. I go into “on” mode and can be all chatty. The reaction (so long as it doesn’t progress) is all internal.
And thank you! I didn’t feel like I was being confident by saying anything – I just figured that the reason I stood in line was to thank him for being a nice guy – so why not?
And yes, it’s definitely a thrill knowing that he’ll read the book. Thrilling, and of course, nauseating at the same time. Because, you know, I’m anxious like that.