Quiet Moments

“Mommy, is Eli asleep yet?”

I lay a hand on Eli’s tiny chest, feeling it move up and down ever so slightly with each sleepy breath. I did the same when Jonas was a baby.

I still do it to him now when he is sleeping especially sound.

Reassured that my little 7 month old is down for the count, I whisper back, “He’s asleep now, Jonas.”

“Can we cuddle?”

I ease myself down the length of the King size bed, to the foot where Jonas lies.

One of his "scripts"

One of his “scripts”

Laying next to me, he takes my hand and wraps my arm around him, asking me to hug him tightly. He tells me about the next movie he is going to write, and all the things he is going to do and be when he grows up. He talks about visiting his cousins, about going to Canada someday, and says a prayer.

His tense little body relaxes, and I can tell he is ready to drift off.

I give him another squeeze, then wait a few minutes before I move back to the top of the bed, where I slowly wedge myself in the gap left between his baby brother and some pillows.

I’ve stopped feeling guilty about my 5 year old’s inability to sleep on his own. We’ve tried so many things. And we’ll continue to try more.

But we’ve learned there are reasons why he has such a hard time falling asleep alone in his own bed.

And it’s a relief, knowing. A relief not feeling like we’ve somehow failed him.

Like I missed something important in my mommy training.

And, in all honesty, it’s kind of nice having a reason to soak in that time with him.

Those few moments of the day where he is still. Where he isn’t talking a mile a minute. Where he is perfectly content to just be cuddled and have quiet conversation.

Who knows when that will end?

I may wake a few more times a night when he has a bad dream, or I may not be able to stretch my legs out the way I would normally.

But that’s okay. Because it won’t be this way forever.

So, for now, I’ll enjoy it for what it is.

Quiet moments with my little boy.

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